The plan for this post was to write about childhood memories with my siblings and all the shenanigans we got into – but we didn’t have many stories of all of us together, and I’d probably tell the stories wrong anyway.
So instead, I’m going to write about why some people say I was a “devil child” (not actually… but actually) at the very ripe age of 2, onward to about grade 7.
(Also, living for this 90’s look – Brought to you by: Fast Eddies)
It all started when my mother told me she was pregnant with my wonderful little sister. I was not very pleased to no longer be the youngest and the only girl child. So I took it upon myself to wreak havoc on the family, and anyone who came in contact with me, for the next 10 years.
Before I jump into the stories – let me give you a little background on myself.
– I was (eventually) diagnosed with O.D.D (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and A.D.H.D (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) as a child.
– Anything with red food dye in it (any red juice, candy, etc) would make me completely bounce off the walls. There was a strict “no red dye” rule to anyone who was watching me… but I found a way to get it anyway.
– I was obsessed with Barney, I thrived on attention, and I saw clothes as optional.
I promise the following stories are all true, and not a dramatization.
I can’t make this crap up.
Have you ever met someone who got dragged out of church? Hi, nice to meet you.
I was just living my best life, dancing on the table during Sunday School, as one does. And my Sunday School teacher came up to me, to ask me to get down so I didn’t hurt myself. She got on eye level with me, and asked me kindly to get off the table. And I, being the child that I was, wound up and slapped her across the face.
She dragged me to my mother, who was in service praying, and told her I wasn’t welcomed back.
To be fair, she was a lovely lady, I was just not having it that day and wanted to be free to dance where and when I wanted.
This next story involves a girl who I went to school with. I believe we were in grade 2 or 3. She brought this beautiful china doll into school one day, and was showing everyone in the class. I asked her if I could play with it during recess, and she kindly declined, of fear of it breaking, of course. But I did not like that answer. So, when the recess bell rang, I waited behind and when everyone was gone, I took the doll from her bag, brought it outside, and smashed the glass face on the concrete.
What. Kind. Of MONSTER. Does that?
The girl obviously cried and cried, and I had to apologize to her and her parents, and I think my mom made me offer to buy a new one, which the parents declined.
On a less aggressive note; my parents put me in the church leagues for hockey and baseball. My brothers played, my dad coached and refereed, so they thought, “Why not put the kid who can’t focus or behave on the teams as well?”
My childhood best friend, Ashley, who I was attached at the hip with, also played hockey… except she was on another team. So anytime the two of us played against each other, we would just skate around the ice rink, talking, making plans with each other. Now, if you know either of our fathers, you would know how much that frustrated them. Often times there would be whistles blowing at us, and our fathers screaming “OFFSIDE!” from the sidelines, as we skated together. But, I didn’t know what that meant. So I just kept skating.
In baseball, I’m sure you could guess – I played just as well. Any time I wasn’t up to bat, I would sit and find slugs and snails and would put them all over my arms. Then I would go show all the moms who were watching at the side. They weren’t as excited about my slimy friends as I was.
⇠ Definitely says Boys Hockey League, and honestly, I could have passed for a boy for most of my childhood. I had long, beautiful hair when I was little, and my mom thought it was a good idea to cut it off above my ears because it was unmanageable. I still give her grief for that.
Often times my mom would leave my oldest brother, Kyle, in charge to watch all of us kids. And because I don’t like authority, and I was a monster, I didn’t want to listen to Kyle. So to stop him from being able to keep me contained, I would take all my clothes off so he couldn’t do anything. Sick… I know. I was just preparing him for when he has kids. But hopefully, they’re nothing like I was.
Speaking of keeping me contained… I was once on an In-School Suspension, for who knows what reason that time. During my suspension, I was put in the principals office to do my work. The principal left for a minute, so I took that opportunity to take a little break. I decided to go for a walk around the school, visiting my friends, the boys change room, and my younger sisters class. I walk down the hallway that her class was in, and I peaked my head in her classroom and called her name. Her class was working on some sort of assignment, but they were all up and in groups, so I wasn’t disrupting a quiet class (not that it matters). When I finally got Kealy’s attention, she immediately looked embarrassed and asked what I was doing. Clearly I had a mischievous look on my face and she knew I was getting into trouble.
Eventually my principal found me and turned my in-school suspension into a home suspension and called my mom to come and pick me up.
I have so many more stories that I could tell; These are just a few of my favourites, and I thought they gave a nice variety of what I was really like as a kid.
I’d just like to publicly apologize to anyone who had to babysit me or teach me as a child, besides the very few who I actually behaved for.
Stayed tuned for part two some day; filled with stories like the time I stood up in front of my class teaching them about “PEA-NUTS” and smacked a yard stick on someone’s desk.